I will see Gentleman M tonight. But this week I have been particularly horny.
I've been drawn particularly to gay porn. This morning I came. Yesterday I came. The day before I came.
I think it's anal that I want. Though I really have to trust Gentleman M and maybe approach the subject but not yet. Right now we're still getting use to each other which I love. I want to learn all about him. I want to know how best I can suck him off without him being too sensitive. I want to learn all the different sensitive places on his body. Behind his ear, in his ear, against his neck, at the top of his spine, the inside of his wrist, his perineum (which I found he loves me touching, which I do love to touch).
Tonight he and I go out to meet his friends and have drinks. If I wear something tight, or what I consider slutty (which to be honest isn't really considered slutty), then I feel out of sorts. But still I want to feel beautiful, and sexy. Wearing skirts and dresses makes me feel that way but for me it's a fine line between what I think is too much and too little.
I don't know what he sees when he sees me, or what clothes he prefers to see me in. I don't know if he thinks I can be sexy in a pair of pants. I don't know if he thinks I'm sexy in my sneakers, or a regular old shirt, but sometimes I think I have to wear a dress or something low cut or high cut for me to look appealing. At the beginning of a relationship I try and find out what a person prefers, clothes wise and look wise. I want to know what they want to see me in so I can work it. But Gentleman M doesn't have any preferences, he's never really been specific except to tell me that he prefers little to no make up.
I could see him in anything and it would make me hot. I could see him in nothing and it's even better. But still I become self conscious. I want to feel confident around him and I want to show it.
Though, I should know, confidence and sexiness always comes from within. If I feel sexy I look it. If I feel beautiful I look it.